Torn
by winterwood11
Summary: "You are one, aren't you?" She repeated in a stronger tone. There was silence for a moment. "You can trust me," she said.


This was written for the dark side competition 3, and uses the prompt torn from the OTP Boot Camp. Thanks to my wonderful betas, MrsBates93 and the lola :) I hope you enjoy this!

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The stars twinkled overhead in the midnight sky with their multitude of colours. They had a soothing effect with their gentle tint of bright hues. Blue, purple, orange and green… they all merged together to form a beautiful celestial masterpiece.

Yet, however calm an effect the stars produced, the mess of colours were just like his feelings. They represented the turmoil he was facing right at this moment. Decisions, decisions and yet more decisions. He felt like he was in a maze; each time he made a choice, he would have to make another that would soon follow. And most of the time, he regretted it. If only he had not been so rash…

But no, now was not the time to think about it. It would come soon anyway –very soon. He would have to face and discuss the truth just a few minutes later. There was no point in rushing it.

Draco Malfoy stood at the balcony of the suite that had been conjured for him when he had entered the room of requirement. The room of requirement had practically become a second home to him this year - He spent most of his time in it, though for very different purposes.

The balcony on which he stood was a serene place where he would often go to get away from the hassles and troubles in his life, and to meet Hermione, of course. The suite was a little creation of their own, when they had first entered the room together- The mother-of-pearl balcony was definitely a manifestation of her thoughts. He too took credit for the marble and mahogany finishing. It was a nice combination, both reflecting the night scenery which glowed faintly like moonlight.

But thinking about Hermione only brought him back to his problem right now. The dark lord was getting angry. He could not put off his mission any longer, but how could he, a sixteen year old boy, actually accomplish his objective? He was so tired of juggling his parents' life and his happiness, which came in the most unexpected form of Hermione Granger.

The two of them were so different even in their similarities. It was strange how they had gotten together, with their very different backgrounds, and the matter of blood statuses. But he had to admit that things had been different this year. He now knew the perils of the life he had committed himself to. How could he have been so stupid to have done it? Why had he been so silly as to let himself get marked?

But it was too late. That decision of his had affected his life tremendously. He had found happiness and solace in her, but he now had much to worry about. _Gone_ were the days where he could just saunter about without a care in the world.

And now, his circumstances might get even worse. What if they could not talk it through? His only source of comfort could be removed from his life. Draco sighed at the thought of so many 'maybes' and 'what ifs'. Well, those would be settled soon. In fact, she should be arriving in a couple of minutes, to talk about _them_.

They had always avoided that particular topic, of what would come as the war drew near and who their allegiances lied with. Hermione… she was part of the golden trio; it was clear what side she was on. He on the other hand, he was torn... he was torn between his head and his heart.

Did he even believe in the pureblood superiority thing anymore? He thought he did - It was only Hermione who he seemed to make an exception for. Even so, he did not fully support the cause he should be fighting for… he was being threatened with his parents' deaths. He was only doing what he was doing right now only for the sake of his parents' and ultimately, his own survival.

His head told him to continue what he was doing.

He had the mark anyway, so why bother switching? It was just courting suicide since it would harm both him and his parents. The Dark Lord would have no qualms over killing them. Ultimately it would harm Hermione too - It would be safer for both of them if they ended their relationship. She would have one less reason to be caught by the Dark Lord, and he would have one less thing to worry about.

But his heart on the other hand…

He really could not stand this uncertainty anymore; he needed Hermione to help him get past this year. He _liked_ her. If he was on the supposed 'dark' side, then they would be split up forever. This _thing_ they had between them would be gone. He did not think he would be able to stand that. It was just… inexplicably hard to imagine.

And in the midst of all this, Hermione probably felt the same. That was most likely why she had handed him the note that had eight words on it: "We need to talk, same time, same place."

The topic that had been avoided for so long had probably been brought up by Draco's recent action. That cursed necklace- he knew it had been a risky idea but he really had not meant to hurt Katie Bell!

Hermione was smart, she must have had her suspicions that he was behind it. And, she was right. She did not know that yet, though it would probably be the first question she would ask.

"Draco?" He heard her voice call out from behind him, interrupting his train of thought.

He turned around as Hermione walked up to him, in the full glory of her typical sensible pyjamas.

The two gazed at each other with trepidation in their eyes. They knew they had to get things cleared between them, but neither of them was really willing to get the ball rolling. Call him a coward, but he did not want this to end at all.

Hermione started. "I think we have to clear the air between us."

He nodded stiffly. After all, that was the purpose of this conversation.

She took a deep breath and simply uttered two words. "Katie Bell?"

Draco could not bear to look at her. Of course, he should have been prepared for this question. But, he did not want to admit it, especially not to her.

"Draco?" She asked again, pausing with every couple of words," Were the necklace and the mead from you?"

He took a few seconds to make his decision on what to reveal. After that he slowly nodded, turning away. He did not want to know how would react to what he would say.

"Why?" She asked. She had tried to keep her tone indifferent, but he could tell that there was a tinge of sadness in her voice.

"My parents will be killed if I do not fulfil my mission," he stated slowly but matter-of-factly, unsure on what to reveal to Hermione. "He's getting angry already Hermione, I have to do something. If he finds out the reason why I have been so slow in doing anything… you will be in danger too." He could practically feel her brain digesting this piece of information.

"What is your mission?" Hermione asked, her eyebrows raised and her eyes open without blinking. "Why does he have so much control over your family?"

"My father is a Death Eater, Hermione." Draco avoided the first question. "The Dark Lord can track him, and of course my mother."

There was silence for a moment.

Hermione walked slowly across to him and asked in the strongest voice she could muster as the pieces of the puzzle fit together, "A-Are you?"

Draco paused. He just could not answer that; he could not bear to see what she would think. How would both of them handle it? That was the ultimate question, wasn't it? Why did she rush into it so fast?

"You are, aren't you?" She repeated in an even stronger tone.

He did not respond – he _could _not respond.

Hermione took a step closer and stared him dead in the eyes. "You can trust me."

Her trusting dark chocolate eyes locked with his stormy grey ones. They said so much more than words ever could. The memories they shared, the quarrels and the make-ups…

Draco could not answer with his voice - he just could not. He stretched his arm out towards Hermione. "Maybe," He continued to stare at her, desperately trying to keep his expression blank.

He could feel her cold fingers rolling up his sleeve slowly, as if she too was afraid of being right. He could feel her nervous tremble. His blood turned cold as she drew in a sharp breath, and she withdrew her hands.

"You _are_. I told Harry you weren't one of _them_. I didn't want to think that you were." Hermione said, her voice now trembling.

Of course, she would be horrified. He was, too.

"I'm a monster." Draco told her bitterly.

"You're really not like one of them! You're different," she said.

"How am I not like them? I sent that necklace, and I did the same with the mead," he stated dryly. "I was willing to kill."

"But you were only protecting your family. That makes you different already! You care." She replied, anxiety evident in her tone.

Draco said nothing. Was that her only away of suggesting that he was different? Because he cared? His aunt Bellatrix cared about killing and blood statuses. Did that mean she was not a death eater? Of course not.

"What is your mission? And what has it got to do with such dangerous weapons? I'm sure there is a way we can solve this. We could go and tell Dumbledore-"Hermione replied.

"We can't!" Draco protested, anger lacing his voice. He could not just go up to the man and tell him that he had to kill him. Additionally… he had the mark. He would be caught and thrown into Azkaban.

"Why?" She challenged.

Draco sighed, "I have to kill him - It's either him or my parents, and if he sees all of the memories, you too."

Hermione was not the kind of girl who needed things spelt out for her. She paled for a moment. "Your mission is to kill?"

Draco looked away as he nodded dumbly.

"And he's threatening you with your family's lives?"

He nodded again.

"So there's two ways that this can go, which you're afraid of. One: that he will find the memories of us, and kill your parents and capture me. Two: that he will be unpleased with your progress, and therefore will kill your parents, punish you, and find out about me, which will lead to worse consequences." Hermione stated in a methodical voice. "It just depends on the order of events."

"I have enough stress without you being added into the picture as well, I can't save my parents from him, they're a lost cause, but you aren't. He doesn't know yet," he told her.

"I understand Draco. I can leave you for now, if that's what you really want. _But_ I will find a way to bring us together, whether by research or by plain hard thinking." Hermione looked up, with her determination shining in her eyes, but traces of un-spilled tears too.

That was Hermione, being so noble with her Gryffindor ways. Everything would be safer for Hermione if he agreed. But he could not bear to agree either. He wanted her –no – he needed her. She was the only one that he could confide in now.

"No… please stay with me." He finally broke the silence, unexpectedly pleading for something he never thought he would need.

Hermione went up to him and stroked his cheek with her finger.

"I'm so selfish. I can't bear to let you go even if you will be safer far away from me," Draco laughed bitterly.

"I would have stayed with you anyway, Draco." Hermione replied.

He felt a rush of relief at that statement. She still wanted him. He should have expected that response from her. She was _so_ stubborn.

"Regulus Black is an example, Draco." It was as if she could read his mind.

Regulus Black. The death eater who had been killed after turning. He did admire his bravery, but he was not sure if he wanted to go down the same road…

"I know this isn't the most tactful question Draco, but since we're clearing the air…" Hermione paused. "Have you ever thought about switching sides?"

He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Honestly speaking Hermione? Of course I have! It's just paradise having my parents' lives depending on my ability to kill, feeling like I'm being followed and scared the whole time and not being able to feel at ease." Draco said. "But I'm still unsure. I don't know what to believe in…" his voice trailed off.

"I know Draco. I don't either. I don't know if I should run away from you right now, or if I should stay,' Hermione said wistfully. "But I think I'll be brave, as long as you are. I'm sure we can figure this out."

"Please promise to stay with me." Draco finally said, "At least for now."

She did not respond immediately, but she finally nodded with a small smile.

Draco turned towards Hermione and bent down slowly, kissing her gently. Her mouth tasted so good, so sweet. He deepened the kiss gradually as they matched tease for tease and taste for taste… it was a kiss of both passion and desperation.

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